Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize