dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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