My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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