Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
