i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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