you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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