I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
