also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
