he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
