K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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