So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
