I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
