Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
