You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
