I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it penis luge time yet?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize