can we get nightvision for the apartment?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
