You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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