I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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