I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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