the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
