please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
