I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
