we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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