I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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