Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
