Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
