Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
