when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
