It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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