She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
