im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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