No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
