I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
