So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
