I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
