I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It was confusing and full of hummus
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
