She said her name was "party"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
