I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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