I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
