Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
a search helicopter?!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
my poor anus
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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