I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
