i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
