You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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