there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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