Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
