What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
