i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
