Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
