I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
