he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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