everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
