my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
