and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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