She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
