You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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