Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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