sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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