Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
