Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
