Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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