Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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