who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
