Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
