just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize