after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
