we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
