my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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