You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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