I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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