Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
